


i think i saw you

by orphan_account



Series: my fics [6]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/F, Lowercase, Unrequited Crush, me projecting, or it was when i wrote it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21690106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: jungeun likes vivi.jungeun hates vivi.does it even matter?
Relationships: Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip/Viian Wong | ViVi, side chuuseul
Series: my fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007859
Comments: 11
Kudos: 42





	i think i saw you

**Author's Note:**

> all characterizations do not reflect real idols as much as they reflect me and my old math partner, although most of these are fictional events  
> title from omg's twilight, which is an amazing song and i've been listening to it for a solid hour on repeat

jungeun hates vivi.

-

it starts in history; vivi is snickering about something with her best friend, haseul. the teacher asks what they’re laughing about.

vivi just says ‘jiwoo’ without any explanation. next to jungeun, her friend jiwoo flushes bright red.

haseul, at least, has the decency to glance in jiwoo’s direction and mouth something like  _ sorry _ . jiwoo flushes even brighter- jungeun sees a crush coming, and, illogically, she hates jiwoo for thinking they’re anything but monsters.

just for a split second.

-

the language teacher changes their assigned seats. jungeun walks into the classroom and stops short; in the corner of the back of the room is her name.

right next to it is vivi’s.

“are you fucking kidding me?” she whispers, but she takes the seat. she has no other choice.

they do not acknowledge each other for the entire class.

-

jungeun wonders why vivi doesn’t like her.

jungeun doesn’t care.

-

the weeks proceed like this: jungeun works, vivi sits. she doesn’t bother writing anything down most of the time, instead talking to her friends; during partner activities, they work on their own.

jungeun should be happy that she doesn’t have to talk to vivi.

she isn’t.

it’s this thorn in her side that she can’t seem to get rid of, just- the reminder that vivi would rather fail than talk to her, would rather do anything than acknowledge her existence.

-

jungeun complains about it to jiwoo. she’s not sure why vivi takes up so much space in her brain, why she’s  _ letting  _ the older girl fill a corner of her mind with pink hair and the scent of roses and an eerily haunting laugh, but there’s nothing she can do about it. not really.

jiwoo asks her one day if she has a crush on vivi.

“why would i?” jungeun snaps. “she’s a bitch.” 

“she might not be that bad,” jiwoo says. “haseul is nice.”

jungeun rolls her eyes and changes the subject.

-

jungeun notices whenever vivi walks into a room. her senses seem to be on high alert, wired to react to vivi’s presence by lighting up her eyes and her ears and her mind with a strange feeling that’s not entirely negative, for some reason. they have far too many classes together; during one, jungeun is finished with her work, and she spends the class watching vivi snicker with her friends. she tells herself it’s just because she wants to know why vivi doesn’t like her, wants to know if haseul is good enough for jiwoo.

her pen starts moving; she looks down. a familiar silhouette is starting to form.

jungeun nearly flings the pen across the room.

-

vivi’s not that pretty, jungeun tells herself. over and over again. the older girl’s face is stuck in a permanent state of disdain (or at least it is whenever she meets jungeun’s eyes) that make her seem sharp and cold. she’s prettier from the side profile- that hair frames her face and you can’t see the fake smile or the thin eyebrows. when she’s writing something down, she’s concentrating and she looks almost at peace. when alone with haseul, her face softens; she’s not angry, not mean, just a high schooler living her life.

so maybe vivi’s pretty, but that doesn’t mean anything.

-

jungeun can’t help it if she finds vivi the tiniest bit attractive. it’s hard not to, hard not for her to buy pink pens and draw vivi all over the pages of her math notebook in pale rose. vivi looks over to her drawings only once, gives her a tiny smile.

jungeun hopes she doesn’t recognize herself in the soft way jungeun draws her sometimes- they remind jungeun of how vivi would look in a photograph taken unaware, capturing the wild vivi in her natural state of mind. she knows vivi can see herself in the drawings made when jungeun was angry. 

they’d be like looking in a mirror.

-

jiwoo is dating haseul. jungeun is happy for her. haseul is nice- and not just because jiwoo thinks everyone is nice.

jiwoo and haseul insist on hanging out with their respective best friends together as well. jungeun and vivi do not talk to each other.

-

jungeun lets herself imagine a kinder version of vivi sometimes, in the spaces between remembering to control herself. she lets herself imagine that vivi is secretly filled with regrets about the torment she and her friends had put jungeun's friends through, lets herself wonder if maybe vivi, too is human. her imagination creates worlds where they’re best friends, something more. worlds where she has cause to know that vivi does not just smell like roses- she tastes of them, too.

but these worlds are just fantasies. in the real world, the only taste jungeun can associate with vivi is blood when she bites her tongue too hard out of anger.

-

so maybe she has a tiny crush on vivi.

(jungeun comes to dread language class.)

-

jiwoo and haseul, against all expectations, do not break up. 

their language teacher changes the seats again; jungeun still watches vivi from across the room, even though her new partner, sooyoung, is not only kind but beautiful, undeniably so. (jiwoo tries to set her up with sooyoung. jungeun says she likes someone else, and it’s only sort of a lie.)

the year passes. vivi still ignores jungeun. jungeun still ignores vivi.

-

jungeun has never stopped hating vivi. she’s just added a new feeling to the mix.

it’s odd, the way vivi can make her heart beat in fury when she and her friends mock jung jinsol’s silly fish leggings but the next day when jungeun sees her from the side, writing an essay, her heart speeds up until she thinks it might run out of her chest just so it can reunite with vivi.

if the world has any mercy, it’s that vivi never mocks her.

-

they graduate. jungeun and sooyoung, who are somehow friends, are going to the same college; jiwoo and haseul, who are still impressively smitten with each other, are together but across the country.

jungeun doesn’t know where vivi’s going.

“ask her,” jiwoo says. “the year’s over. it can’t hurt.”

“ask who what?” jungeun asks, pretending not to know.

jiwoo gives her a knowing look.

-

they’re both in the bathroom. vivi is fixing her makeup; jungeun is washing her hands. the question comes out almost accidentally. “why don’t you like me?”

vivi looks at her. for a long moment, jungeun thinks she won’t answer. “you pushed haseul once. and you didn’t like me, so it was simpler to ignore you.” it’s a simple answer- jungeun doesn’t remember pushing haseul, didn’t think vivi cared that much about her friend, but she supposes it makes sense. but then vivi continues. “and then, after that, because you drew me as something better than i was.”

“oh,” says jungeun. she doesn’t know what else to say. “did you- did you recognize yourself?”

vivi shrugs. “sometimes. did you like me?”

“sometimes,” jungeun echoes.

vivi has stopped fixing her makeup. her lips are soft pink, because of course they are. “i’ll have a boyfriend. in college.”

“i know,” jungeun says. “and your point is?”

-

vivi kisses her. she tastes like cherry blossom perfume- a far cry from the real thing, but so sweet you’d hardly care.

-

when she draws away, she says, as explanation maybe, “i wanted to know what kissing a girl was like.” after a pause, she adds, “you know, i always thought you were pretty.”

jungeun looks at her for a long moment. vivi looks exactly the same as ever- pink hair in a halo around her head, brown eyes darkened with  _ something-  _ and the sharpness, the cruelty, has only been toned down one or two notches. she is not smiling, but the lack of a smile makes her seem more real.

“no, you didn’t,” jungeun says, and looks in the mirror.

her lips are stained pink.

-

(haven’t they always been?)

**Author's Note:**

> a comment would make my day! let me know what you thought <3


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